What to Watch Wednesdays This Fall

I find jokes about how Wednesday is hump-day, or how we're "halfway there" irksome. So lets get right to it, shall we?

WEDNESDAY

The Middle ABC, premieres 9/22
Where we left: I won’t watch this show.

What’s Next: I will never watch this show. I love the janitor from “Scrubs” as much as the next guy, but I hate Patricia Heaton, and my rage is unwavering. I choose to simply assume this crappy show continues to suck as much as its crappy catering lead actress. Oh and BTW? I’m not the only one. Google Hate Patricia Heaton. You’ll see.


Survivor CBS, premieres 9/15
Where we left: This show is still on and has fans and I don’t even care enough to find that surprising.
What’s next: This season has a team composed entirely of over-40s, including Jimmy Johnson. Yup, still don’t care.

America’s Next Top Model CW, premieres 9/8
I’m so over the Tyra Monster. That is all.

 Hell’s Kitchen FOX, premieres 9/22
Where we left: I’m not going to pretend I know anything about this show. I know its got that angry guy on it, Gordon Ramsey, but I just don’t see the appeal. I like my food shows to be calming, nap-taking television (how you doin’ Nigella)
What’s next: More of that angry guy

Undercovers NBC, premieres 9/22
JJ Abrams is producing this new series about a Spy Couple (a la “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”). Oooh, “sexpionage”! Except its on at 8pm, so there’s only gonna be so much of the sexy. However, JJ Abrams is good at action/fighty scenes and the husband and wife are REALLY attractive. This seems like one to test-drive.




8:30

Better with You ABC, premieres 9/22
Sisters (played by clearly slumming actresses who I adore – Jennifer Finnigan and JoAnna Garcia) are very different. One has had the same boyfriend for 9 years, the other is marrying her BF of less than 2 months. They also have wacky parents (the Dad is a vet of “Ghostbusters 2” AND “Supernatural). Hijinks ensue. I heard the pilot was of the not-so-good variety, and, well, that comes as absolutely no surprise. This kind of mindless sitcom-y show may have worked in the 80s when there weren’t 300 channels, but we also had not 1 but 3 shows about loveable adopted orphans in the 80s. Our standards were a lot lower.

 

9pm

Modern Family ABC, premieres 9/22
Where we left: A terrific freshman season! I think the Emmys actually got this one right, as this was definitely won of the best comedies of last year.
What’s Next: Gay kisses and Nathan Lane. And hopefully not those two things together cause Nathan Lane…ugh.

Criminal Minds CBS, premieres 9/22

Where we left: BAU went to LA to track a killer who kills people in the dark and they worked with a Detective who just happens to be a survivor of killers first attack years before. So then the creeper (Tim Curry) kills the detective and kidnaps his daughter.
What’s next: Hopefully resolution. We have to say goodbye to JJ because CBS is a sexist jerky company. Some new (read: cheaper) chick is being brought in to replace her and Prentiss whose episodes are cut in half too. Mid-season their craphole spinoff starring droopy-eyed Forest Whittaker starts. If you can’t tell, I am slightly disillusioned with the Minds right now. It would take a miracle to bring me back. Like Morgan goes undercover as a male model, and Prentiss and Hotch make out kinda miracle

Hellcats CW, premieres 9/8
I’m giving this one a shot, even if this storyline already has, you know, “already been broughten”. Competitive college cheerleading is fun and entertaining and is bound to include my favorite television staple: pretty mean girls (how you doin’ Cordelia Chase!). So what if all the reviews have been, for the most part, terrible? And yeah, maybe they shouldn’t have cast all the major roles from actors who got their start on the Disney Channel (not exactly the Lee Strasburg Institute as far as learning to emote). I don’t care. Its got mean girls and its executive produced my current #1 TV Boyfriend, Tom Welling. *grinds teeth* SO I’M GIVING IT A SHOT *grinds teeth*

I HAVE NOTHING TO DO

Lie to Me FOX, premieres 11/10
Where we left: This show is still finishing its summer season
What’s next: The shows coming back later in the fall. No spoilers for this one, besides the fact that the FBI agent is leaving the cast (cause he never has anything to do, they should really just call this The Tim Roth Show).


Law and Order: SVU NBC, premieres 9/22
Where we left: Sharon Stone is still spitting up all the scenery she chewed during her stint as ADA. Also Dr Warner my favorite of all L&O coroners was SHOT!

What’s Next: Paula Patton (from “Precious”) was playing the new ADA but now she's doing Mission Impossible 4 so she'll just be passing through, J-Love Hewitt is guest starring, Desmond from “Lost” may romance Benson (oh brutha!), and the gang heads to LA to introduce the crappy spin off!

9:30

Cougar Town ABC, premieres 9/22
Where we left: Being insanely awesome!
What’s next: More awesome! If you’re not watching, you are lame or stupid or probably both. Jennifer Aniston may be guest starring, but even if she doesn’t this show will continue to rock, because it continues to stand up for our basic rights as Americans (i.e. playing Penny Can, Morning Wine, and having contests to see who will cry first while listening to Cats in the Cradle).




10pm

The Whole Truth ABC, premieres 9/22

Another courtroom drama, this time with Rob Morrow (“Numbers” was FINALLY cancelled because seriously, how many crimes do you need complex mathematical equations to solve) and Maura Tierney (Abby Lockhart “ER”). Maura Tierney was supposed to play Lauren Grahams role on “Parenthood” but then she got breast cancer and now she’s in remission so I’m just saying it now I DON’T CARE IF YOU THINK HER HAIR LOOKS TERRIBLE, SHUT UP AND LOVE MAURA TIERNEY.

The Defenders CBS, premieres 9/22

Jerry O’Connell (who will always have a place in my heart) and Jim Belushi (who... was okay in Curly Sue) hosted the CBS Fall preview on Labor Day. They were on screen for approximately 6 total minutes and that was more than enough time for me to be simultaneously bored and annoyed. That doesn’t bode well for this new dramedy about 2 hot shot Vegas defense attorneys and all the colorful clients they represent. Jurnee Smollett fresh off her turn in the last season of "Friday Night Lights" also stars, and I find sometimes her face doesn’t move enough for my tastes.

Law and Order: LA NBC, premieres 9/29

They canceled Law & Order: Original Flava (after a surprisingly solid season with Anthony Anderson and Jeremy Sisto and trust me I never thought I would be writing that sentence) as it was obvious the brand was getting stretched a little thin. SO OF COURSE NBC immediately greenlit a new, LA based incarnation. Cause that makes sense. Anyway, expect more of the same, only younger and with better tans.


OTHERS:

Terriers FX, premieres 10pm 9/8
Everyone who has seen the pilot (including TV critics from TV Guide, Entertainment Weekly, and USA Today, as well as "Sons of Anarchy" creator Kurt Sutter) says this is one to watch. Plus its got Donal Loague, who is one of 3 gingers in the world I can actually stand. And Rene, from Season 1 of "True Blood" (this time minus the WORST attempt at a Cajun accent I have ever witnessed, up to and including JJ’s husband on "Criminal Minds"). TWOP says it almost reminded them of a blue collar Veronica Mars. Which I consider high praise indeed.

FINAL CALLS:

8pm
Watch/DVR: Undercovers
DVR: Lie To Me
SKIP: America’s Next Top Model, Survivor, The Middle
Online/On Demand: Better With You


9pm
Watch/DVR: Modern Family/Cougar Town
DVR: Criminal Minds (hard to find online)
SKIP: Hells Kitchen
Online/On Demand: Hellcats, Law and Order: SVU


10pm
Watch/DVR: The Whole Truth
DVR: Terriers
SKIP: The Defenders
Online/OnDemand: Law and Order: LA