Mondays are always hard, particularly in the fall when many of us have spent Saturday and Sunday in a pleasant day-drinking football-watching haze. Monday TV, then, should be easy. Light entertainment from 8-10, followed by shows that you wont necessarily cry over if you fall asleep during.
Here’s a rundown of what’s gonna be on, and in a move I borrowed from Television Without Pity, I’m detailing what and how I’ll be watching!
MONDAY
8pm
Dancing With The Stars ABC, premieres 9/20
I say I am going to watch this show whenever they announce the increasingly more ridiculous “celebrity” cast. And believe me, if I were gonna watch, it would be this season, with The Situation, Audrina, The Hoff, and more total wastes of precious precious oxygen. But I’m still not gonna watch. I may have a high tolerance for pain, but I’m not a masochist.
How I Met Your Mother CBS, premieres 9/20Where we left off: A pretty crappy season. From the get-go the ball was dropped on a rational humorous portrayal of Barney and Robin in a relationship, and the boring and/or 1-joke episodes that followed did nothing to improve my worsening opinion of a show I once loved so blindly.
Up Next: FIX IT! Producers are promising that there will be actual progress toward, you know, meeting the mother, and an overall improvement in quality.
90210 CW, premieres 9/13
Where we left off: Mr Matthews drunk drove into a tree, Mr. Cannon attacked Naomi and now no one’s gonna believe her because of the fact that she cried wolf before, and Annie and Dixon were lameUp Next: One of the main guy characters is GAY! He’s shocked by this news too. I don’t wanna spoil anyone too much…if you are dying to know just google it, this is literally the least-secret GIANT SECRET! I have ever come across. But I am interested to see if this one plays out a little more gracefully than Adriana’s split-second foray into bisexuality
House FOX, premieres 9/20
Where we Left Off: House was about to do drugs again but then Cuddy showed up at his house and stuck her tongue down his throat, thereby finally answering that “will they or won’t they” debate with a “WE WILL”.
Up Next: They pretend they are both capable of a functional adult relationship. The actress playing Thirteen takes time off to shoot a movie, so she is replaced by Amber “Traveling Pants” Tamblyn.
Chuck NBC, premieres 9/20
Where we Left Off: Chucks Dad died, the Buy More exploded, and in the final minutes, Chuck found evidence indicating, much like Sidney Bristow, he maybe has a spy mommy!
I heart this show times a million. I even eat at Subway cause they are a sponsor – even though Subway is now charging me $7.36 FOR A TURKEY SUB! So please. Watch.
8:30
Rules of Engagement CBS, premieres 9/20
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9pm
Two and a Half Men CBS, premieres 9/20
This show is 96% jokes about sex, and while I loves me some sex jokes, these are all lame ones you can see coming from approximately 1 mile away. That kid is a giant, so they should maybe change the title. Or they should maybe cancel the show so that CBS could afford to pay its female actresses on other shows (*cough* Criminal Minds *cough*) instead of lining that coke-whore Charlie Sheen’s pockets. I’m just sayin….
Gossip Girl CW, premieres 9/13
Where we left: Check was bleeding out in a Parisian gutter.
Up Next: Blaire and Serena in Gay Paree! PLUS Jenny Humphrey is MIA for the first batch of episodes, so we get a necessary respite from her eyeliner and her ripped stockings and her disgusting disgusting extensions.
What I wish was up next: More bad things happening to dumb Vanessa and moronic Dan until they inevitably form some sort of artsy suicide pact. Because I love this show and they are ruining it every time they open their mouths.
Lone Star FOX, premieres 9/20
This show better not break my heart by sucking or being canceled. I’m putting that out there now, so they have fair warning. This is another one with great “buzz” as they say (no I do not know who “they” are, shut up mom). Anyway, it sounds AMAZING, and more importantly it has Adrianne Palicki in it, who forever found new and different ways to make me love her as Tyra on Friday Night Lights. Its about a Texas conman with a double-life, and he’s really good at conning cause he’s from a CONMAN FAMILY and it just sounds all twisty and awesome. The Event NBC, premieres 9/20
I mean, you really do have to give NBC points for trying. They have taken a lot of (WELL-deserved) flack over the years for their programming decisions, but it looks like they are actually trying to take some strategic risks, after the black hole they found themselves in post-Jay!At 10pm!5 Nights a Week! (cause nobody saw that one coming, except for, you know, everybody). Anyway, this is another risky, complicated, high-concept show that inevitably requires you to hedge your bets on whether it will be the next “LOST” or the next “Flashforward” (which basically sucked because it was trying so hard to be the next “LOST”). NBC has been promoting the hell out of it, which is encouraging, but I don’t know one person who is entirely sure what this is about (not encouraging). Then again, all we knew about the “LOST” pilot was that there was gonna be a plane crash and look how that turned out… Apparently it revolves around a presidential assassination attempt (“24”), a missing person/people (“4400”) and a CIA cover up (“Alias”, “X-Files”, etc…). I’m kinda pumped about this one. Which means it will probably be canceled in 5 episodes or less.9:30pm
Mike and Molly CBS, premieres 9/20
A “meet-cute” (look it up folks) scenario between a schoolteacher and a cop, only there’s a twist! They are both fatties! HILARIOUS! Yeah, so I have a feeling its gonna be one over-eating chair-breaking joke after another, which, blech. There is a slim possibility it could actually turn into something sweet and funny and its not like it doesn’t have anything going for it (the show stars Sookie from “Gilmore”! And it has “The Big Bang Theory’s” recently vacated time-slot). I’m giving it 2 episodes (that I will watch online for free, because I will probably be DVRing “Gossip Girl” and “LoneStar” and watching “The Event” on OnDemand).
10pm
Where we left: Beckett finally realized her feelings for Castle and broke up with her boyfriend, that hot dude who always plays love-interest competition…just in time for Castle to take his ex wife to the Hamptons.
Up Next: Castle is suspected of murder in season premiere, there’s a new serial killer in town, and of course more of the same UST that are making Castle and Beckett the Benson and Stabler of their generation. UST = Unresolved Sexual Tension. And it never gets old. Until a couple of years later, when it does.
Hawaii Five-0 CBS, premieres 9/20
Remakes can go either way - and they do. For every “The Office” and “Battlestar Galactica” there’s a “Knight Rider” and a “Bionic Woman” and a “Dragnet” and a “Fugitive” and a “Melrose”. But this one looks sexy and action-heavy and has a built-in cult following (cultivated by casting actors from various cult hits that are no longer with us). Its got “Moonlight’s” Alex O’Loughlin, “LOST’s” Daniel Day Kim, “Battlestar Gallactica’s” Grace Park, and Scott Caan (not so much a cult star, but he is excellent at playing kinda douche-y guys). Its got a pretty recognizable theme song. And its got a pretty good spot on the schedule (I find thinking pretty hard on Mondays, so I appreciate escapist entertainment more at the beginning of the week).
Chase NBC, premieres 9/20
I am thinking no one is gonna watch this show starring Kelli Giddish (from the show no one watched LAST year “Past Life”) as a US Marshall. Its produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, so I’m sure this will look very shiny, but if you are into shows about US Marshalls why not watch a good one like “Justified” or even USA’s “In Plain Sight”
FINAL CALLS:
8pm
Watch/DVR: 90210 (otherwise you have to wait 3 days to watch online)
DVR: How I Met Your Mother
SKIP: Dancing with the Stars, Rules of Engagement
Online/On Demand: HOUSE & Chuck
9pm
Watch/DVR: Gossip Girl
DVR: Lone Star
SKIP: Dancing with the Stars, Two & a Half Men
Online/On Demand: The Event, Mike & Molly
10pm
Watch/DVR: Castle
DVR: Hawaii Five-0
SKIP: Chase
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